I knew that starting a blog wasn’t going to be easy and, clearly, I didn’t expect to skip a whole week already. But , like all of you, I’m a human being full of all sorts of emotions with a past, a present and a future. So let’s say that I wasn’t at my best during July.
Work-wise and study-wise, July was a month where nothing happen. I was on ”vacations”. I’m not good with vacations and its been years that I had a real one: if I didn’t have school, I could ”rely” on work or vice versa. And no surprise here when I say that I do more stay-cations & weekends out-of-town that actual destinations – vacations on credit doesn’t really appeal to me and my man. To add to that, I’m alone on vacations. My husband is working which I don’t blame him for it. At least one of us has to work, right? So, yeah… July sucked! Well… maybe not, it just wasn’t the best.
Some studies say that North Americans (more than Europeans) defines themselves by their occupations or work. I fit right in that conclusion. July felt like I didn’t have an ID for myself even tho I’m still a student and an employee at my university – I just didn’t have work hours. But, I didn’T study nor work that month which, to me, results in the same thing as not being a worker or student. I’m also a person that feeds from other’s energy. I need people around me almost constantly.
I know I wasn’t totally alone. I was seeing my man in the evenings, I could talk to my friends and family via text messages or social media, but during the day, I was usually by myself at home with Winston, our cat. So, yes, technically I wasn’t alone but talk all you want to a cat, you won’t have an actual conversation (sadly).
People told me that I should get out more and not wait for people to be available to come with me or try something new. They’re right about it. On an idea level only. It’s summer, which means there’s a ton of activities everywhere, everyday and at anytime. Plus, it’s Montreal’s 375th and Canada’s 150th. There’s only 2 things that doesn’t quite add-up: money and time. I know there’s free activities but let’s think about it for a second. I’m looking for free (or close to free) activities that I can go to by myself during weekdays in the actual day AKA good luck with that! While I was looking for those unicorns online, I realize a few key points:
– most free activities that I looked up were at night;
– I don’t have kids;
– I’m alone and not with a group;
– I don’t have a personal income right now.
By the way, thanks for reminding me of all that Google, MTL375, Eventbrite & y’all! To me, it doesn’t feel right to use money for activities by myself when I’m not the one earning that money – it’s not like I was at home taking care of our kids or something like that. Basically, I fell into a state of laziness and discourage 😦
Unfortunately, it’s my husband that receive all my rage and pain in the face. He didn’t deserve it. I do badly on vacation – as in nothing planned – and I’m not good at taking it easy or relaxing. I’ve been told that I should embrace it since it’s probably that last time it would happen to me to have time by myself (as in no kids and no full-time job). I don’t know how to do that. I’m simply someone who needs to be busy. That dark grey cloud was bad, but brought some good too. it’s never all black or all white. It did help me to realize that I need to talk more openly to my man (letting out emotions is hard) and start (again) to go out by myself like I used to do at the beginning of our relationship. He’s the one that reminded me of that.
So, what now?
Well, it’s August (!!) and we fell much better. One thing that really help out was going to Ripon, Qc. That’s where my father’s family comes from. It’s beautiful, peaceful and feels like home. It has been almost ten years that I didn’t go.
I had the chance to go back & see my grandfather’s resting place. He passed away 9 years ago and I still miss him a lot. My great-aunt also took my father and I to all the older family members. It was so peaceful…
I’m lucky after all.